There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
