u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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