I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
His hands were made for my vagina.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
