to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
