tell your sister to shave her snatch
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
