I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
