Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
