i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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