the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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