And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
