I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
