Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I know her cup size but not her name....
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
