I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
