I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
