I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
