can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
