then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
