take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I didn't notice because vodka
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
