It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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