a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
