you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
