I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
