Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
