do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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