How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
