So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
