Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
