i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
