Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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