In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
