420 ftw
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
