As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
