i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
