He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
