just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
