i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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