Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
