I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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