i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
