I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
