ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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