I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
