she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
