I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Someone shattered a urinal.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
