I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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