Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
