We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
