Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You've changed since you got that strap on
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
