Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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