I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
You left your phone here
Wait...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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