When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
