hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
