There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
